Compulsive Lying: Understanding Why Liars Lie

Signs of a Compulsive Liar

You might be a compulsive liar if you:

1. Consistently lie, even white lies
2. Have inconsistencies in what you say
3. Always add on to stories or stretch the truth, even when unnecessary
4. Become defensive when questioned
5. Say one thing but do another
6. Are anxious when speaking to other people
7. Have trouble remembering what you’ve told one person and what you’ve told another
8. Tell lies even when there’s no point
9. Lie to build sympathy or control the narrative
10. Feel safe lying and feel overly vulnerable when you tell the truth

There is usually a reason someone is a compulsive liar. If you recognize the above signs in yourself, it is possible to get better. 

Pathological Liar vs Compulsive Liar

Academia and researchers do not make any distinction between a pathological and a compulsive liar. They are often used interchangeably. Some people, however, have found benefit in separating the two. 

The main difference between a pathological liar and a compulsive liar is the motivation behind lying. 

• A Pathological Liar lies to manipulate.
• A Compulsive Liar lies because it's a habit. 

Using these definitions, a pathological liar has malicious intent when they lie. Pathological lying is found in narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. 

Compulsive lying is a behavioral habit that could be learned from modelled behavior. For example, if you grew up in a home where lying was frequent, you might find yourself lying more now. Compulsive liars also lie more often about useless things that they don’t need to lie about. Whereas Pathological liars are more likely to have a purpose behind their lie, compulsive liars are more likely to lie because it feels right and being truthful—even in small, insubstantial ways—is frightening. 

What Causes Compulsive Lying?

Causes of compulsive lying can include:

• Mental Health Conditions: Certain mental health conditions, such as personality disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorder, OCD, or trauma can cause compulsive lying for different reasons, the most common one lying makes them feel safe. 
• Coping Mechanism: For some individuals, compulsive lying serves as a maladaptive coping mechanism to navigate difficult emotions, past experiences, or present challenges. A lie can feel like protection, so if you’re in distress, you may turn towards lying. Over time, these little lies can make it easier for you to lie on bigger things, resulting in the habit of lying. 
• Seeking Acceptance and Validation: The need for acceptance and validation from others can drive compulsive lying, as individuals fabricate stories in an attempt to gain approval or avoid rejection. People may lie to “control the narrative” or other people’s perceptions of them; if they can tell people how to think about them, they don’t have to worry about what others might be thinking. This could be a sign of people pleasing. 
• Low Self-Esteem: Feelings of low self-worth or insecurity can lead to a habit of exaggeration or falsehoods, as individuals seek to create a more favorable self-image.
• History of Trauma or Abuse: Past experiences of trauma or abuse may contribute to compulsive lying, as individuals attempt to shield themselves from further harm or assert a sense of control in their environment.
• Modeled Behavior: If you grew up in a home where lying was frequent, you might copy that behavior in your own life. 

Compulsive liars don’t always lie out of malicious intent, in fact they rarely do. The primary reason for a compulsive liar’s behavior is because it makes them feel safe. This does not make the behavior right, of course; lying has negative consequences in relationships, at work, and in personal lives. Finding a healthier coping skill is important for our overall well-being. 

How to Stop Lying

Here are some tips to stop lying and break free from compulsive lying:

• Understand your reasons why: There’s usually a reason behind compulsive lying, one that isn’t malicious but based on self-protection or learned habits. 
• Tell someone you trust: Admitting to someone you trust that you’re a compulsive liar will help you hold yourself accountable to them. 
• Journal: Take time every day to journal about when and why you lie. Try to start pinpointing the triggers that precede your lies. Is it someone asking something of you? Did you feel unsafe?
• Slow down before you speak: Lying is often a knee-jerk reaction, something you do before even thinking. To prevent it, really slow down and think before you speak. You might try to take a few breaths before answering. 
• Think about the people you love: Lying has big impacts on people, even small lies where you don’t mean to hurt someone may end up hurting them. Compulsive lying has the possibility of burning bridges. Think about this before you lie and ask yourself if the risk is truly worth it. 
• Try stating an affirmation: If you’re in a stressful situation where you would normally lie, try telling yourself “I’m committing to honesty. Honesty will always be better than lying. Even if it’s hard right now, I’m doing the right thing.” Over time you’ll start to believe it. 

Finally, talking with a therapist can help. They can help you find the root cause of your lying and hold you accountable as you break the habit. Breaking any habit is hard, so give yourself some empathy, but always strive forward. 

Are you a compulsive liar who is ready to stop lying? Contact Lifebulb’s support team to be matched with an empathetic therapist who can help you overcome this habit and build healthier communication styles. 

Talk to us