Dec 27, 2024
Loneliness is a universal experience, and with a “loneliness epidemic” sweeping the nation, most people know what it feels like to be outside the “in group” and to ache for human connection and companionship. Feeling lonely isn’t the same as being alone, either. The experience of being lonely in the company of others is very isolating and painful.
Some people only occasionally feel lonely. In this case, loneliness acts like a check oil light going on in a car to remind us that maybe it’s time we reconnect with some friends. Other people struggle with chronic loneliness, which can have many negative health effects.
If you’re feeling lonely, you probably want to stop feeling lonely as soon as possible. But sometimes it isn’t as easy as reaching out to friends or family. For people who don’t have friends or family, are estranged from their family, recently moved to a new place, or lost someone they loved, loneliness can feel like an impossible challenge to beat.
If you’re dealing with loneliness, you’re not alone! (Even though it feels like it at times.) Here are our tips to beat loneliness and connect with other people again.
Why Is Loneliness So Painful?
Loneliness is so painful because it is intricately related to our mental health. Researchers have found loneliness can cause:
- Increase stress levels
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Self-esteem issues
- Addiction
- Sleep problems
- Physical issues like heart disease, stroke, and type 2 Diabetes
It is not just a fear of missing out or wishing you could talk to someone, either. Loneliness and mental health issues can create a repeating cycle: You don’t go to social events because of mental health issues (such as anxiety and depression), and then you feel lonely because you’re not hanging out with people, which makes your mental health issues worse.
Also, humans are social creatures. Our brains are set up to reward certain social behaviors. When we aren’t feeling connected to others, it can raise alarm bells in the brain. Social rejection activates the pain receptors in our brains. These pain receptors can even flair up at perceived rejection, meaning rejection hurts even if it’s made-up rejection. For people who really struggle with social rejection, they may have what’s called rejection-sensitive dysphoria.
In short, loneliness is painful because it exacerbates painful mental health conditions and because rejection, even perceived social rejection, hurts.
Why Do I Feel Lonely in a Relationship?
Feeling alone in a relationship? Feeling alone when you’re with someone who’s supposed to make you feel full can be an incredibly isolating experience. You might not feel loved in the relationship anymore, and should look at the quality of the relationship and what you want from it.
How to Deal With Loneliness: 8 Coping Mechanisms For When You Feel Alone
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If you’re feeling lonely, take some time today to engage in one fo these exercises. It may not erase your loneliness completely, but small steps are important when battling loneliness.
- Find an Online Group: In-person interactions have stress-reducing qualities and can generate positive feelings, but virtual connection has its positives as well. If you have people you’re emotionally but not physically close to, set up a virtual game night or video call. If you’re not connected to a community, join an online group. (Here are some mental health apps that host online communities for people struggling with their mental health.)
- Start a new hobby: It’s hard to make friends as an adult. You no longer have to build social circles through school and extracurricular. That’s why finding “hobby friends” is so important in your adulthood. Choose a hobby you’re interested in and find a group that meets to engage in that hobby. These types of interactions take the stress off of first impressions and building a relationship because the primary goal is to engage in the hobby, the social benefit comes with it.
- Help others: Humans are a social and community-driven species, so we need to be in community with others. Lending a helping hand to others can provide the positive brain chemicals you need to fight loneliness. Plus, you’ll probably meet some cool people in the process! Volunteer at a local organization or get to know your neighbors and ask how you can help out.
- Walk around your neighborhood: Levels of loneliness skyrocketed during COVID-19 lockdowns. People weren’t only cut off from their friends and family, they were cut off from the communal spaces they enjoyed. Places like bars, coffee shops, and gyms were unavailable, and our collective mental health suffered. These places are great for combating loneliness, even if you don’t engage with others. It’s also a good place to meet people. Try to go with your headphones off and compliment someone’s outfit or make conversation with the barista.
- Find purpose in other areas: Distracting won’t work forever, but if you’re feeling lonely, doing something that makes you excited and takes your mind off the pain can help alleviate the suffering. Also, connecting with your passions can lead to all kinds of fulfilling relationships. Take an online class or listen to free lectures. Do something creative. Hang out with animals. Find something that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning, and stick with it.
- Take care of your mental health: Sometimes loneliness is a symptom rather than a cause. Addressing underlying social anxiety, general anxiety, ADHD, OCD, eating disorders, or depression can help you feel less lonely. These mental illnesses lie to us and tell us that we are unworthy, unwanted, and alone. Once you address them, you might see you are surrounded by love.
Loneliness is a hard battle to fight. If you are struggling with chronic loneliness or need help adjusting to the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a big move, a therapist can help. Therapists not only provide an important avenue of human connection, but they can also help you address the underlying cause of loneliness. Over time, they can help you forge meaningful human connections that alleviate loneliness entirely.
Lifebulb Counseling & Therapy has online therapists who accept insurance and have little to no wait times. Reach out to our team to be matched with a therapist near you, or browse our list of therapists and find one that suits your needs.
Am I Lonely or Depressed?
Feeling lonely is a common experience when you are depressed. Symptoms of depression include low-energy, fatigue, social withdrawal, and feeling bad about yourself. Combined, this makes an easy recipe for loneliness.
To know if you are depressed or just lonely, ask yourself these questions:
- Does loneliness go away when you’re around other people?
- Are you still able to find joy in hobbies, even when you’re by yourself?
- Do you have goals for the future?
- Are your eating and sleeping habits relatively the same, even if you’re feeling lonely?
- Are you able to focus? Are your thoughts mostly clear?
If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, you’re probably just lonely and not depressed. Depression will persist even in the presence of friends. It can sap the joy out of even your most loved activities, make you dread thinking about the future, and disrupt your concentration and eating and sleeping habits. If you think you have depression, take our free, online depression quiz.
Don’t discount the effect of loneliness, however. You might be “just lonely” but that doesn’t make the experience of loneliness any less painful or impactful to our wellbeing.
Why Do I Feel So Alone All the Time?
You might be more at risk for loneliness if you:
- Have a chronic mental or physical illness
- Are marginalized or discriminated against
- Live in rural areas
- Don’t have easy access to transportation
- Are a victim of abuse or domestic violence
- Recently went through a divorce or unemployment
- Lost a loved one
Also research shows that adults who are low-income, living alone, and either young or old are more likely to experience loneliness.
Just because you have these risk factors does not mean you are doomed to be lonely, however. There are ways to cope with loneliness and stop feeling so alone.
How Can I Stop Feeling so Alone and Unwanted?
If you feel unwanted or unloveable, it can be hard to convince yourself that people even want to form relationships with you. This creates a tricky situation in which attempts to combat loneliness go nowhere. Therapy can help you address the core issues of feeling unloveable. Self-esteem and negative thought patterns are common reasons people seek therapy.
Lifebulb Counseling & Therapy has online therapists who accept insurance and have little to no wait times. Reach out to our team to be matched with a therapist near you, or browse our list of therapists and find one that suits your needs.
