Healthy vs Unhealthy Coping Strategies

A coping skill is anything that helps you cope—a behavior that makes the present moment a little more bearable. This includes both ones that are good for you and ones that are self-destructive. 

Unhealthy coping skills, also known as maladaptive behaviors, focus on alleviating distressing emotions at any cost. They can include:

• Dangerous driving
• Stealing, vandalism, or other crimes
• Substance abuse
• Self Harm 
• Scrolling social media for hours
• Emotional eating 
• Isolation
• Excessive retail therapy
• Gambling
• Overworking (workaholism)
• Oversleeping
• Toxic positivity

These maladaptive coping skills can be severe or minor. Over time they will wear down mental, physical, and relational health. Although these maladaptive coping skills may feel good in the moment, they are destructive in the long term. 

Healthy coping skills, on the other hand, are behaviors that not only alleviate current distress, they also encourage overall wellness. Let’s look at some examples. 

General Healthy Coping Skills

The purpose of a coping skill is two-fold:

• Solve a problem 
• Reduce distressing emotions 

This is a simplification of coping skills, and good coping skills may do much more than this (like promoting self-esteem or building deeper relationships), but at their most basic level, a coping skill should help you cope. Their goal is not to help you thrive, but rather to provide you the means to get you out of a distressing situation, whether that is a conversation with your toxic ex, a panic attack, or merely a bad day. 

Examples of healthy coping skills include: 

• Deep breathing
• Mindfulness
• Going for a walk
• Talking with a friend 
• Journaling 
• Taking a break

These are some general, commonly prescribed healthy coping skills. When you're in the middle of a distressing emotion, however, it can be hard to know what to do. You want to make the bad emotions stop, and you don’t want to have to problem solve to get there. Read on for a list of specific coping skills. 

Coping Skills for When You’re Feeling. . .

Below, we’ve outlined good coping skills for some of the most common distressing emotions and situations. Use this guide to quickly choose a healthy coping skill and get the space you need to feel better. 

Depressed

When you’re feeling depressed, you likely want to curl up in bed all day. DBT—Dialectical Behavioral Therapy—teaches the power of “opposite action”. This is when you do the opposite of what your depression tells you to do. For example, these healthy coping mechanisms for depression utilize opposite action:

• Going for a walk 
• Calling a friend (even if it’s from bed)
• Eat one healthy thing 
• Move to the couch
• Open the blinds
• Listen to upbeat, empowering music 
• Do something you used to love, even if you don’t feel like doing it
• Have someone come over to keep you company 

Anxious

Anxiety can make you feel panicked, and you might engage in maladaptive behaviors out of desperation. Instead, take a moment to engage in these coping skills:

• Box breathing: Breath in for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 4. Breath out for a count of 4. Hold again for a count of 4. Repeat until you feel less anxious.
• Color Scanning: Scan your space from left to right. On your first pass, look for all the instances of the color red. Next, look for oranges. Then yellow, blue, green, and, finally, purple. 
• Physical exercise: Go for a walk, run, or dance around your kitchen. Get the anxiety out of your body. 
• Take a cold shower: A cold shower can “reset” your nervous system and break you out of an anxiety spiral. 

Angry

When you feel angry, you may lash out and hurt those you care about or yourself. Instead of lashing out, take a moment to engage in these healthy coping skills for anger: 

• Time-Out: Step away from the situation to cool down and gain perspective.
• Physical Release: Engage in physical activities like walking, running, or punching a pillow to release pent-up energy.
• Journaling: Write down feelings and thoughts to process and understand the source of anger.
• Assertive Communication: Express feelings in a calm and respectful manner to address issues constructively.

Lonely

Feeling lonely can be one of the most isolating feelings. Worse, it is often a self-fulfilling prophecy; lonely people may not reach out to others because of low self-esteem, which further perpetuates the belief that they are alone. Here are some healthy coping skills for when you’re feeling lonely. (Read our extensive guide on how to cope with loneliness here.)

• Reach Out: Connect with friends, family, or support groups for social interaction.
• Self-Compassion: Practice self-care and self-kindness to alleviate feelings of isolation.
• Hobbies and Interests: Engage in activities you enjoy to foster a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
• Volunteering: Contribute to your community to build connections and a sense of belonging.
• Digital detox: Scrolling social media can make us more lonely than it does connected. Put the phone down for a little bit and go into your community. 
• Go to a coffee shop or a library: Third spaces are important to our mental health. Go somewhere where you’re around other people, even if you don’t talk to anyone. 

Dissociated

Dissociation can be a sign of a deeper mental health issue and can be difficult to break yourself out of. Use these skills to help: 

• 54321 Method: List 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. 
• Body scan: Sit somewhere comfortable with your feet on the ground. Slowly focus on one part of your body at a time, starting at the crown of your head. Notice if you are holding any tension, if that body part is cold or hot, or if there is any pain. 
• Use a weighted blanket to ground yourself
• Dance to your favorite music
• Talk to a trusted friend

Get Help When You Need

Remember, it's okay to seek professional support when coping with intense emotions. Whether it's through therapy, counseling, or reaching out to supportive networks, you have the strength to navigate these challenges and live your brightest life. 

If you want to talk to a therapist about building healthy coping mechanisms for yourself, reach out to Lifebulb. Our support team can match you with an online therapist near you. Alternatively, you can browse our list of therapists using our therapist directory.

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