Feb 17, 2025
You’ve just met someone, and they seem great. They send you sweet texts all the time, are always showing up with extravagant gifts, and talk constantly about the future they see with you. After years of bad first dates and messy situationships, you start to think that this might be the one. A few weeks pass, and the attention starts to feel smothering. They get angry when you spend time with friends and the flattery and gifts that felt so promising are starting to make you feel guilty, like they expect your devotion in return for all the nice things they’re saying and doing.
You may have just experienced “love bombing”, a control and emotional manipulation tactic that is used to coerce people into a relationship, smooth over more obvious manipulation and abuse tactics, and control behavior.
Despite its name, love bombing has nothing to do with love and everything to do with control. This article covers the major signs of love bombing and what to do if you find yourself in a relationship that utilizes love bombing.
If you are in an unsafe situation, call 911. For the domestic violence hotline, call 1-800-799-7233
Why Do People Love Bomb?
Are all people who love bomb abusers? Love bombing is definitely a control tactic, but not everyone who loves bombs does so intentionally. People may love bomb if:
- It was modeled to them by their parents or past abusive relationships.
- They have an insecure or anxious attachment style.
- They fear abandonment or vulnerability, possibly a sign of past trauma or cPTSD
- They have signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a personality disorder that can result in using controlling and abusive tactics in relationships.
People who utilize love bombs to create a false sense of security for themselves should seek therapy. They are likely acting out on a deep hurt or trauma, and although this is understandable, it does not make their actions right. Through therapy, self-awareness, and a healthy support system, they can heal and learn to have healthy, loving relationships.
Other times, people love bomb because they like to be in control. It doesn’t have to stem from a past trauma or hurt. It is also not the victim’s job to fix or heal them. When it comes to abusive relationships, including emotionally abusive relationships, protecting yourself is paramount.
Love bombing is not only found in romantic relationships. Friends, parents, siblings, and family can all use love bombing as well.
Is Love Bombing a Form of Emotional Abuse?
Yes. Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse. It is often the first sign of emotional abuse, as abusers will use it to tangle their lives with their victims before using gaslighting or other forms of manipulation later on.
Love vs Love Bombing: What’s the Difference?
A lot of the time, love bombing may feel like what you want a relationship to look like. Especially if you have a past of neglectful, withdrawn, distant, or avoidant partners, love bombing might feel really good. Who wouldn’t want to be showered in gifts and told they’re the best person ever?
As we’ve discussed, love bombing isn’t real love. But then, what is? Where’s the line between real affection and emotional manipulation?
Here are some signs it’s love bombing and not just a very passionate Honeymoon phase.
- Love isn’t mutual: In a loving relationship, you might shower each other with gifts and praise. In a love bombing relationship, it is likely one-sided or coerced.
- You feel pressure to reciprocate: True love runs freely. If you feel like you have to reciprocate feelings because they are making you feel guilty, it’s love bombing, not love.
- You’re being cut off from your support system: Love should never isolate you. If you begin to feel like you can’t see your friends and family, you are likely being manipulated.
- Something feels off: Trust your gut. If something feels strange, confront the behavior. If they don’t respond well with benign calls, then you’ve probably found a manipulation tactic.
- They don’t like being told no: In real love, telling someone “Hey, this is all very sweet, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Can we slow down?”, they’ll respect your wishes. In a love-bombing relationship, they’ll act hurt and guilt you into feeling bad.
- They pressure you to move faster than you want: The goal of love bombing is to intertwine your lives so you have less chance of escape. They may do this by pressuring you into an exclusive relationship or moving in with them.
Listen to the people around you. If they express discomfort with your new relationship, take an honest look as to why. Is there something off about it? Does it feel like love or is it manipulation?
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic abusers will use to gain a relationship or to smooth things over when their more physically abusive tactics come to light. Love bombing often precedes or immediately follows domestic violence, gaslighting insert gaslighting article, stonewalling, or angry outbursts.
The goal of love bombing is to gain control over someone by spamming them with love, kindness, attention, and affection. They might buy you gifts, compliment you, and talk about how you’re the one for them. All of it, however, is a tactic to get you to trust them. Once they have your trust, they will turn to more violent control tactics to keep you with them.
Love bombing isn’t always intentional. As we’ll learn later, it can be learned from behavior modeled by parents or picked up as a defense mechanism against fear of abandonment or vulnerability. This does not excuse the behavior, and you should always look out for yourself when it comes to controlling and manipulating behavior such as love bombing.
Signs of Love Bombing
You might be a victim of love bombing if you experience:
- They shower you with gifts.
- They push you to be in an exclusive relationship, move in with them, or take a big step in the relationship quickly, even if you express not feeling ready for it.
- They want to have a monopoly on your time and may get defensive or aggressive when you want to hang out with friends or family.
- They’re not okay with healthy boundaries. They likely don’t respond well to you saying no and feel like their good behavior deserves a reward.
- They try to isolate you from your outside support system.
- They use verbal affirmation excessively, constantly telling you how much they love you and how you’re the one for them.
- They guilt you when you try to set up boundaries or don’t want to hang out with you.
- They belittle your other obligations or time commitments, going as far as to make you cancel other obligations.
- They want to hang out all the time and may invite themselves over all the time.
- You feel smothered, overwhelmed, or uneasy. Love bombing is not normal. It is not a healthy relationship, and you might sense something is off. Listen to your gut, or talk to a trusted friend or family member about your concerns.
- Over time, the love bombing will turn to defensiveness, gas lighting, and other manipulation tactics.
Love bombing may look different for everyone and this is not a conclusive list. If you are unsure if you are being love-bombed, get an outside opinion. Be honest with yourself and distance yourself from someone who utilizes love bombing.
How to Protect Yourself from Emotional Manipulation
If you’ve identified emotional manipulation, you’re left with two options: confront your partner about their behavior or begin making plans to leave the relationship.
If you choose to confront the behavior, make sure to keep yourself safe by having a safety plan:
- Have the discussion in public, where there are witnesses in case they get aggressive.
- Update a friend or family member about where and when you will be having the conversation.
- Have a way to leave the situation on your own (drive your own car or have someone waiting to pick you up).
- Know what your “hard stop” is. If you’re willing to give them another chance, know when you’re going to walk away. Is it the next time they try to manipulate you? Or maybe if they don’t go to therapy?
- Come with terms and conditions. If you think they are love bombing because they don’t know any better, or are copying modeled behavior, make sure you provide the means for them to improve. Tell them you’ll only stay with them if they go to therapy and draw boundaries about how fast you’ll move.
Only you can make the decision to leave an emotionally abusive relationship. In general, it is best to distance yourself from the relationship. Love alone cannot change someone who does not want to be changed. Your leaving might be just what they need to heal and change their ways.
Leaving a relationship can be hard. Make sure you have a safety plan, follow the steps above, and always prioritize your own safety. If you need help, a therapist can assist you. They can help you create a safety plan and escape route, and walk you through how to end an emotionally abusive relationship. They can also help you heal from any relationship trauma.
To talk to an online therapist near you, contact Lifebulb’s support team. Alternatively, you can browse our list of therapists near you and find one that matches your needs.
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic that attempts to mirror true love, but it is a pale comparison. You deserve to know the security and closeness of true love, and not the falsity of emotional manipulation.
